THE DATING GAME

There are a lot of players out there. Being single in todays society is difficult for both men and women. When I was single, I was played several times. Especially if you are young, newly divorced, and new to the dating game. It is easy to be gullible and fall for the bullshit. If you are not careful you will certainly find yourself being taken advantage of. 

How do you see through the bullshit?

I have a few good friends in the dating world right now. I hear there horror stories all the time. But it really doesn't surprise me. Isn't it heartbreaking to find out this great looking sweet guy or girl you have been chatting up is not at all what you thought they were? While in the dating world I once met a nice guy at Chuck E Cheese while spending time with my kids. This guy was Mr. Family man. I was sure he was a wonderful single young man when he asked me for my phone number. I dated him for a whole three weeks before finding out this man was MARRIED. I was so shocked. He wanted to use me as a side job. He began telling me not to call him certain times of the day. This is how I found out he was married. And he had the nerve to ask me to keep everything about us a secret. I told him to LOOSE my number quickly. 

There are a few signs to figuring out that something is fishy. If the things you are hearing from this person sounds like bullshit, It probably is. We all have a gift of intuition. Why can't you use it? Let's say you meet someone in a bar and they are telling you how hot you are. They make a suggestion to take you out for an early breakfast or an after party. Should you? While you may feel deeply attracted to them and you are anxious to get to know this person, the answer is NO. If you really want to protect yourself, don't come across as easy. Make them work a little bit. Give your number or email. Nature will take it's coarse. As you get to know them through talking to them on the phone you will be able to tell if they are a weirdo, looser. You will soon find out if they are married too. The fact that you made them wait and you pulled away a little bit will make them want you more. They will see you as a bit of a mystery. Certainly don't let alcohol play a part in your bad decisions. You will hate yourself the next morning.  You have to talk and get to know each other while you are completely sober. If you are serious about finding yourself a better half. Take the time to get to know a person. While you are dancing in a club, this new person you met may seem to be perfect and they may say all the right things. If you don't want to get played, exchange numbers and leave the club with the people you came with. Don't take a stranger home with you! Get to know each other slowly.

Questions to ASK in the Beginning/CLUES

When you are getting to know someone you can quickly weed out the looser and players. Here are the first questions you ask the person of interest...  

• Where do you live?    

If a someone tells you they are living at home with their parents briefly you need to be cautious! Chances are if they had to move back home with their parents, this means they are not financially stable or they just got out of a relationship. The last thing you need is someone you have to support, Eeeewww! I don't care what the excuse is for living with their parents. This is unacceptable in most circumstance. Even if they are coming out of a relationship or divorce, this is certainly not the one for you! Unless you want to be a rebound fling and then get tossed aside. People coming out of a long relationship are usually a train wreck. You don't want to have to deal with a scorned or bitter person who is out to get someone back for the pain he or she feels. You don't want to sit and listen to stories about the ex. You don't want to become a payback to make their ex jealous. These are the games people play. Make sure he or she has been single for a long time. You certainly don't want to deal with any baggage from a crazy ex! 

• Where do you work? How long have you been there? 

If this person gives you a lame crock of shit about how they are unemployed at the moment because they couldn't get along with their boss at their last job and they quit or got fired, this is a bad sign! There is no way you can date a person that can not take orders from a boss and do their job efficiently and show up to their work place everyday and on time. If they can't be dependable on a job, this will indicate that they really can not be a reliable and loyal person to date or get involved with. If they tell you they just got laid off and this is why they are not working, that is fine. Keep in mind when people get laid off they should still have an income or drawing an unemployment check. If this is the case, that shows they really are a stable person. Possibly things just went sour at the company they worked for and they needed to downsize... That is understandable. But in the mean time you need to be sure they are doing something constructive with their downtime. You don't want to be involved with someone that hits the bar every afternoon trying to catch happy hour. They should be trying to figure out what their next move should be. Alcohol should never play a big role in their morning and afternoon life. You don't want to end up with someone who thinks more of a bottle than you! Isn't it comforting to know he or she has been on the same job for a year or better? If I were thinking of committing to someone I would want to see that they pay their bills on time every month. This shows that they are mature, responsible, and they have a great future ahead.  

• Watch for ATTITUDE 

If someone you are getting to know expresses a bad attitude, or if they are constantly NEGATIVE and having a PITTY PARTY for themselves, this will surely let you know they have serious issues! So the world is against them and sometimes they say they just want to die and they wallow in sorrow, You need to get away from them quickly. If you notice they sleep a lot, this indicates depression. They may be happy one day out of four. If you notice they want to sleep many hours each day and they don't put any energy into having good clean fun with friends or hobbies there is something severely wrong! The best thing you can do is take yourself out of this equation. Get to know the friends that they hang out with. What kinds of interests or activities do they share with their friends? I would want to know about their social circle. This will tell you a lot.  

Notice the choice of words your friend uses when slightly irritated. This may sound like nothing, but it means a lot! The constant swearing or bad language expresses a really high strung or hot headed personality. Not to mention it is classless and disrespectful especially when the relationship is fresh. If you see an attitude like this you will later find that this person may try to intimidate or control you. So, if this person is easily irritated, what do you think that means for you if you accidentally piss this person off one day? You don't want someone to bring you down or make you feel bad about yourself! You need to be looking for someone that brings out the best in you. You must share great energy to know this person is right for you. You want someone who is confident in themselves.  A person with a great attitude and confidence is certain to bring you up in the world. You may feel that these clues you are reading are harsh, But if you are serious about finding the "marriage material" or someone to have your children and make a beautiful family with, stick to these RED FLAG signs! You don't want to live your life with someone who has major problems. 

I learned the hard way through my own personal experience. I have dealt with men that demonstrated these personalities. Trust me. Committing to a personality like this will lead to a long dysfunctional life! You certainly don't want to make a life with someone like this. If these things are not adding up, you know you better end it now and save yourself a lot of trouble!

Notice the relationship they have with their parents. If things are not good with mom or dad, this is a bad sign! If a person treats their mom and dad with respect, This is a sign they will treat you well. A close relationship with their parents certainly indicates they know how to love someone. 

Find out if their spiritual beliefs are the same as yours. If you are a Christian and this new friend you are getting to know is an Atheist, and they believe in evolution, you certainly know this is a dead end! 

If you are an animal lover and you know you want a cat or a dog in your life, make sure this person shares that same interest. If your potential mate hates animals or thinks they are a nuisance to society and they shoot every dog and cat that crosses their back yard, you already know things will not work out! Never give up your (best friend) dog or cat for some lunatic. Seriously, if you are an animal lover and this new friend does not have a heart or care in the world about the animals in a homeless shelters and they insist that you will never have animals, you are in two different worlds. Take the time to find someone who shares your interests. It is well worth it in the end.     

• Hobbies and GOALS   

Always ask your new friend what their hobbies and goals are in life. You need to know what their interests are. Do they even have an interest or hobbies? This is huge. You don't want to date someone who is a bullshit talker or dreamer but never follows through. Can you imagine your future with a procrastinator and broken promises? Hopefully they do have reasonable plans ahead. How do they plan to better themselves in the future? That does not mean they can tell you they want to be a rock star or an actor! If they have never had a day of experience in acting or music and they tell you they want to be a rock star, Chances are they are out there on another planet. Leave this person in their dream world! This sounds childish and very immature. They have a lot of growing up to do. You are finally seeing through their bullshit. While it is okay to dream, lets live in reality! If you hear your new friend say they want to build a new house, own their own business one day, go back to school, or purchase the car of their dreams, etc. these are logical goals. This sounds like the mind of a mature, down to earth, and civilized human being.

Bottom line is, you have your gift of intuition. If a guy tells you he has just gotten out of a relationship but his ex girlfriend keeps texting him while you are on a date with him. That's a sign you are being played and he has not completely  ended it with her. How can he move toward a future with you if he can not let go of his past relationship? Don't be used or taken advantage of. Give yourself the respect you deserve. There is no need to settle. You never want to be second in someone's heart. 

If you are out on your first few dates I believe the man should be a gentleman. If the man asks you to pay half or all of the bill, this tells you he is putting forth no effort to try to impress you. Possibly he is tight with his money or he has no money. Either way this is not a good sign. When a relationship is new watch for all the warning signs. 

Let's say you are a man and you take a nice woman out on a date, If the woman asks you if she can borrow some money or if she asks to be taken shopping at the nearest mall. This is a really bad sign. This could mean she is not as independent as you thought. She may be a really needy and high maintenance woman that squeezes all she can get out of men. This is not a woman who is looking for love. She is out for herself. (You may want to find her ex and ask a few questions about her.) You don't want a woman taking advantage of your kindness and your bank account. This is unacceptable. Women like this give good women a bad name. You must use good common sense when dating. Listen to your instincts. Rarely are they wrong. You will know in your heart when you have found the right fit.